July 7, 2019

Scripture: Ephesians 4:15-16

I. When your spouse becomes a stranger, you love her through the power of truth.

A. In the context of Ephesians 4 the apostle Paul is talking about the spiritual growth of the church. The way to grow a church into the likeness of Jesus is through the powerful combination of truth and love (vs. 15). And in Ephesians 5:25-33 we see that the goal of marriage is to sanctify us – to make us holy – to grow us out of our sins and flaws into the new creation God is creating us to be. The tools that spouses must use to help one another in becoming our future selves are speaking the truth in love with the power of God’s grace.

B. Marriage does not create your weaknesses and flaws. Marriage simply reveals those flaws. And those flaws can lead to sharp criticism from your spouse. Marriage does not really bring you into confrontation with your spouse as it confronts you with yourself. Marriage shows you the truth about who you are. And if you are going to be the new creation that Jesus is making you to be, you need to do something very painful. You need to give your spouse the right to talk to you about what is wrong with you. You need to let him or her speak the truth to you.

II. When your spouse becomes a stranger, you love her through the power of love.

A. We cannot just speak truth to our spouses. We must speak the truth in love (vs. 15). This phrase “in love” is used six times in the letter to the Ephesians. See also Eph. 5:2. All ministry that we carry out in the church and for that matter in our marriages is to be done in love. Love is the distinguishing mark of the Christian and of the church. But this love should not be disconnected from truth. It is a life of love that embodies the truth of the Gospel. When our spouse loves us like Jesus loves His bride, we are healed. Our spouse’s love convinces us of our own distinctive beauty and worth. That is the power of married love.

B. Genesis 24:67: “Then Isaac brought her into the tent of Sarah his mother and took Rebekah, and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.” Rebekah’s love for her husband Isaac healed him of his grief over his mother’s death. The power to love your spouse comes from the Holy Spirit. One of the fruits of the Spirit is love (Gal. 5:22-23). If you are struggling to communicate love to your spouse in a language they can understand, read Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages.”

III. When your spouse becomes a stranger, you love her through the power of grace.

A. In vs. 16 Paul says that when each part of the body of the church is working properly, that makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. Two ways that this love expresses itself in both the church and in marriage are through the gracious gifts of forgiveness and repentance. It’s grace that allows us to hold truth and love together. And it’s grace that makes it possible for us to practice the two most important skills in marriage: forgiveness and repentance. Only if we are very good at forgiving and very good at repenting can truth and love be kept together. The grace and forgiveness that Jesus extended to you in the Gospel enables you and empowers you to graciously do the same for your spouse.

Application:
Use the power of truth, love and grace to help your spouse become a new creation in Christ.

Sources:
The letter to the Ephesians
Commentaries on Ephesians by Peter O’Brien and Bryan Chapell
“The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller