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The Secret of Marriage

Scripture: Ephesians 5:31-32

I. The secret of marriage is that it is about the Gospel.

A.  The word mystery in vs. 32 does not refer to some hidden knowledge known only to insiders. It rather refers to a wonderful truth that has been previously hidden but that God has now revealed. Twice in Ephesians – in Eph. 1:9-10 and in Eph. 3:6 – Paul says that the Gospel was a mystery that was previously hidden but has now been revealed. In Ephesians 5 Paul teaches the church about marriage. In verse 31 he quotes from Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man will shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

B. It seems clear that Paul is talking about human marriage. Marriage makes a husband and wife one flesh through their sexual union. But then Paul takes the discussion sideways in vs. 32. He says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” The hidden mystery was this: Jesus, through the Gospel of his death on the cross for our sins, calls a bride to Himself in the church. The meaning of marriage then is that it is not so much about the union of a husband and wife. Marriage is really about the union of Jesus and His church.

C. Now the secret is out. Marriage, from the marriage of Adam and Eve until today, has always been about Jesus’ union with the church. Marriage has always been a picture of the Gospel. The fact that every marriage is about the Gospel has some major implications for us in the church. One implication is found for husbands in Eph. 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Why? Because marriage is about the Gospel. It is not really about you.

II. The secret of marriage is that it only works if we follow Jesus in self-giving love.

A. Notice again how Jesus loves his bride the church in Ephesians 5:25: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” One way that husbands show that they love their wives is by making sacrifices. When you elevate your wife’s interests and concerns above your own, that says that you love her. But marriages are unsuccessful for a theological reason that we find in Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

B. Because we are sinners and naturally selfish, we rebel against the idea of self-giving love. It’s too hard. It’s too painful. But listen to what C.S. Lewis has written about love, “Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one.” It is an option to give your heart to no one. But a life without love is not a happy life. It’s not the Gospel life that Jesus would have us live. We see how Jesus loved from Romans 15:1-3: We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.” We have already seen that we don’t have the power to live this way. Because this is so we can’t have a successful marriage in our strength. So, where does the power to have a successful marriage come from?

Application:
Remember the secret of marriage is that it is about the Gospel of Christ’s love for His bride.

Sources:
The letter to the Ephesians
Commentaries on Ephesians by Bryan Chapell, Peter O’Brien and Richard Coekin
“The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller